The Reasons Behind My Why

Many people ask why I started Speak Up For Jeremy. I started Speak Up For Jeremy three days after I lost Jeremy. It was a way for me to cope with the loss, the grief, my emotions and the heartbreak of learning how many families are affected with a disease that many people do not understand. I have listened to many people tell me that “It was their choice”, “those junkie’s got what they asked for”, “you can’t change stupid they knew what they were doing”, “it’s the worlds way of clearing out the sh*t people”. I could go on and on with the things I hear people say or the things I read people posting about - until it is their loved one or someone they know but it just fuels my frustrations. Sometimes you cannot change a person’s mind, they are so closed off and will never see another person’s point of view. They are always right and even with facts, statistics and proof their opinion will stay the same. I used to take this personally but have learned that as long as I know I have given my best shot at educating someone I have done the best I can do. When I first started Speak Up for Jeremy I thought I could change the world, get everyone to understand and stop the stigma. Realistically though I told myself that if I can change just one person’s mind, help educate people to reduce the stigma and help other families going through the same thing I have gone through that is all I need to feel like I have made a difference. It is my way of keeping Jeremy’s memory alive knowing how hard he struggled yet always found time to help others. Even through his last moments in life he was helping another young woman. After his death he inspires me still to help those who cannot help themselves, speak for those who are afraid to speak like I was and to keep moving forward to create long lasting changes or just make a difference in someone’s life who feels like they have nothing left to fight for.

My biggest take away on whether or not what I was doing is making a difference has been seen in many different ways. I have people that tell me how I have helped or told me thanks for being so honest about our life, but what made me realize how much I needed to do this was at Jeremy’s funeral when my step-father came up to me after I had read the eulogy I had written and told me “I understand now, I never did before but listening to what you just said I get it. I am sorry we never understood.” See all through Jeremy’s struggles I talked about it with no one. I was too ashamed, too worried about what others would think or say. I didn’t even let my family know what was going on. I hid things, I lied about where I was when I was taking care of Jeremy and wore myself down mentally and physically and never felt I had anyone who would understand. Well now I have realized I am not the only one that feels that way.

The more I talk about Jeremy’s story and what I went through the more people realize they too are not alone on this journey. This is why our motto Taking Time to Listen, Making Time to Act is so important to me. I am an open book to anyone who wants to listen. By listening and really getting to know other families, I am able to make time to help them and to act on what things I can change. Sometimes that action can be as simple as finding a phone number for them to call to get their loved one into treatment, a shoulder to cry on or even just a hug. But in everything I do I think about Jeremy watching from above and once in a while you may even see me look up to the sky asking Jeremy “what do you think kiddo?” Sometimes there may be tears other times you’ll see me smiling big. I am proud of my son Jeremy he was so much more than the substance use disorder he suffered from. Your loved one is too!