Grief Stages
It has been said that grief has 5 stages:
Denial - numbness, shock, confusion and even shutting down
Anger - frustration, resentment, impatience, rage, feeling out of control
Bargaining - guilt, blame, fear, anxiety, insecure
Depression - despair, sad, hopeless, helpless, disappointment, overwhelmed
Acceptance - self-compassion, wisdom, courageous
Grief hits everyone different. Many say grief stages are done in a certain order where I have learned there is no order to grief. Grief will hit you when you least expect it. A memory can be brought on by something simple like a song, a picture, a certain dish, movie and so many other little things.
I go through all the stages at different times and it has almost been four years since Jeremy has been gone. I go through denial which for me includes keeping busy all the time, telling everyone that I am fine, I get easily distracted, forget, procrastinate and avoid certain things. When I get angry I get irritable, use sarcasm, argue over the tiniest things and have used alcohol to cope myself. My bargaining is me over-thinking and worrying about things, assuming the worst, trying to be perfect and going through thinking I should have, could , if only or if I would have. Then there are days where I have finally admitted that I am depressed. I cry, isolate, have no motivation and my sleep patterns and appetite has been all over the place. My energy that used to be endless is now a struggle some days to do anything. Then I look at the times when I fully am in acceptance that Jeremy is gone. I allow myself to be vulnerable and tolerate/accept my emotions. I learn to be present in the current moment and cope with being honest and using open communication about what I am going through. This is the hardest grief stage for me. I think I can handle everything on my own and don’t like to admit as I call it sometimes “defeat”.
Everyone grieves differently and I have noticed that everyone else has different expectations of what our grief should look like. They love to share their opinions on what you should or shouldn’t do. They like to tell you to move on or make you feel like the way you are handling your grief is wrong. Well I am going to tell you that you and only you can decide how you will grieve and for how long. It can be difficult navigating it alone though so please always know it is ok to talk to someone. There are many others going through the grief journey along with you. You are not alone and should not have to ever be made to feel like you are “wrong”. So if you are struggling with your grief please reach out. Whether it is another grieving parent or family member or a professional please know it is ok to not be ok and there is no shame in asking for help.